Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
