I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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