whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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