Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
