So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
