Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
