Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you never un-have a 4some
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
