Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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