So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
