Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
