now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
