I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Houston, we have a squirter
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
