I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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