The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
