Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
