he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
