Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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