If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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