I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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