Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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