tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you inspire me to be a worse person
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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