would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
