i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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