So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
