Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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