her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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