Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
