This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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