Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
