i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
