pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
