Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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