wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
