If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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