I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
