guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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