oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
