I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
