so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
