you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
