Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
