Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
