Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
