The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
