2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
