This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
