she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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