ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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