Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
