smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
