i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
